Save Your Soul
by shadowtheo
Summary: Quitting smoking on his uncle’s wishes pushes Jess over the edge. With people out to get him and his past out to haunt him, Jess struggles to cope. Can Luke undo the damage and save Jess' soul before he looses him? Parental bonding afoot!
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Quitting smoking on his uncle's wishes pushes Jess over the edge. With people out to get him and his past out to haunt him, Jess struggles to cope. Can Luke save his nephew? Parental bonding afoot!

Warning: Disturbing themes, child abuse.

AN: No love in this one I'm afraid, Rory will play only very minor part, Some Dean too for fun and lots of Lorelai.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own imagination.

Save Your Soul 1: Memory Aid

Jess Mariano hated many things, no surprises there. But if there was one hate that topped them all, at least at this precise moment, due to its proximity if nothing else, was physical education.

This detestable class was just an excuse to cause students pain, he didn't even know why he was here today.

That was lie, Luke had made him a deal, rather desperately he thought, but he admired the man's persistence if nothing else.

Having seemingly spent much time and energy deciding what Jess' least favourite things were, he'd finally made a bargain.

Luke would prevent Liz from speaking to him, as the last couple of times they had there were fierce rows followed by much door slamming and late night walks. Jess would be allowed to stay with him throughout the holidays as well as terms. Jess had had to pretend that he hadn't been thrilled to hear this.

Not that he would admit it, ever, but the sleepy town had grown on him, as had his uncle with his bumbling ways. And he had been silently panicking about having to return for another drunken Christmas with Liz and whoever the new man was, as there would inevitably be one.

He could also now go out in the evenings, even though he already did that, as long as Luke knew where he was going. Jess wasn't about to burst Luke's parental bubble about this one just yet, especially as he was getting paid a minimum wage now for his services in the diner.

And this entire package came with just two conditions. One, he had to go to school, one missed day and he wouldn't be paid, and the teachers had been put on 'super alert' for his absence. Two, he had to stop smoking. Luke now seemed to have developed the nose of a bloodhound, and performed an extensive routine each morning and night of sniffing for smoke, and meticulously scanning the apartment, diner and surrounding area for cigarettes, both smoked and unsmoked.

So currently, the last lesson before the end of school, Jess was craving a cigarette from the stress of the day. This meant that, per Luke's orders, he was stuck thoughrouly with nicotine pads, and had been chewing the gum near constantly all day. It was starting to pray on his already frazzled nerves.

The stress of the lack of nicotine, trying to be civil to the town, dealing with the terror of school, oh, and the lack of sleep due to the nightmares.

For some reason those hypnosis tapes just didn't block out or distract from painful memories like heavy metal did.

Jess stood, almost trembling from tension, frustration and inexplicable fatigue as the PE teacher had to explain for the third time that they were doing laps today.

Eventually, after even the blondest jocks had comprehended and complied with the instructions, they began the tedious laps.

If only the nicotine patches repaired your lungs, Jess thought idly as he panted painfully after the umpteenth lap. He hated to admit it, but he really wasn't feeling good.

He was struggling to take enough breath in to sustain him, he felt light-headed and dizzy, and it felt like his legs were falling behind him.

He had only felt this way when running a few times in his life, none of them he cared to remember. But he had never been very good at controlling his memories.

_He ran through the house, smell of whiskey whipping past him, if he could just make it to the cupboard he'd be safe. A crash behind him and he spun to see the shadow looming over him-_

In spite of himself, without really knowing why, Jess swung his head around to look behind him, his breathing becoming panicked. Of course there was nothing, why _would _there beanything there?

As he swung back around however, angry with himself for giving in to the haunted memories, a wave of dizziness overtook him.

He stumbled badly, but managed to catch himself on the wire fence to stop his fall.

Jess was barely aware of the teacher instructing the other pupils to keep running as he dashed over to his fallen student.

Jess breathed hard, his eyes shut tightly. Flashes of panic raced across the surface of his mind, almost too quick to catch.

He'd stopped running, he'd stopped and now he was going to get caught, his legs gave way as he shivered helplessly. He had to get up and keep running, but he could hardly catch a breath as he gasped, feeling like he was breathing knives into his lungs as he started hyperventilating.

He had to move, but already it was too late as he felt the coolness of a shadow wash over him. Jess trembled in fear as shadows loomed at him in his mind and he clung tightly to the fence as he curled in on himself. He couldn't hear anything over his own desperate breathing, even the panicked teacher calling his name.

It was over, he pleaded in his mind for the figures to go away, sounding painfully childlike, but the shadow reached out-

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Jess and the teacher both jumped as if electrocuted, Jess at the touch, the Teacher at the strangled scream.

"Go get the nurse!" Mr. Brown ordered the panicked student's, and some immediately ran off, the rest crowded a distance away, unsure what to do. "Go to the principle and tell him what's happened, the rest of you, go shower off, the lessons over." He instructed with authority, only one student, Dean, seemed to linger.

Mr. Brown then turned to the panting Jess, who was looking shell-shocked as he leant crumpled against the fence. One hand tightly gripping his hair, the other wrapped fiercely around his middle.

"Jess, Jess can you hear me?" He asked the frighteningly pale student.

"Uh, yeah." The response was a poor attempt at his usual sarcasm and all seemed to notice.

"Uh, teach? Can I help at all?" Dean questioned sincerely, he seemed to be extremely shocked himself at the turn of events.

Jess' eyes flicked to him with a disbelieving sneer, still curled up protectively and breathing heavily. He suddenly had the look of a cornered animal.

"Jess, are you okay?" The teacher tried again seriously. He'd never seen this student display any motion before this.

"Um yeah, great." Jess reeled off swiftly, even with less sarcasm then usual as he uncurled and dragged himself to his feet. He stood shakily, looking like he was going to collapse again any minute.

After a few seconds of re-gaining his bearings, he pushed off from the fence and slid past the two onlookers, giving as much space between them as possible.

Dean and Mr. Brown stared at each other before hurrying after the retreating figure, before getting weigh-laid by the nurse, who had bypassed her actual patient, thinking that it was Dean who needed her assistance.

Lorelai Gilmore walked placidly along a familiar windy path home, it was about eight and she had been picking up emergency chocolate supplies for the evening.

It was storming badly, the rain lashing at the paper bags, threatening to melt them and steal their precious cargo. She could barely see in front of her, and now regretted taking the scenic route home, but Taylor had been having a rant about this that and the other under the awning of his store, and she hadn't fancied getting caught in the word crossfire.

Thus she battled against the wind and rain. As she reached the bridge however, something made her stop her power walking.

A soaking figure was sitting huddled on the sopping bridge, barely distinguishable against the darkness with their dark clothes. As she edged suspiciously closer, the figure shivered violently, and turned slightly towards her.

"_Jess_?" She exclaimed loudly, immediately approaching the small, shivering teen.

The boy jumped at her voice and footsteps, and hurriedly turned away, wiping his face.

"Jess what are you doing out here? God you're soaking!" Lorelai exclaimed in shock as she reached the drenched Jess.

Swiftly she dropped the grocery bags and crouched down next to Jess, covering him with her umbrella.

She watched as Jess hugged himself and shivered harder, subconsciously moving closer to her warmth under the umbrella.

Lorelai's maternal instincts kicked in as she looked over the shaking figure. He looked terrible, pale as a ghost with a blue tinge around his lips, his usually immaculate hair clinging to his head and messy. His clothes were shiny from all the water and clung tightly to him, leaving nothing to the imagination about how thin he was. Near white fingers appeared out of the ends of his sleeves as he hugged himself under her scrutiny. Red eyes flickered to her suspiciously; she tried to convince herself that she hadn't seen any fear in the normally inscrutable orbs.

"Jess, honey, what's wrong?" She asked gently as he sniffed and coughed, unsure why the term of endearment had popped up with the usually troublesome teen.

Softly Lorelai reached out to offer some comfort to the clearly distraught person. However, as soon as her fingertips brushed his cheek he jerked away and curled on himself.

"Don't _touch_ me!" Jess almost pleaded. Lorelai withdrew her hand in shock.

"Oh God…" She murmured, never had she heard the kid sound so broken and small. Her mind raced with possibilities of what could have happened to push Jess like this, each thought was worse then the last.

"Its okay Jess, you're going to be okay, I'm gonna get some help okay?" she talked calmly and as gently as she could, Jess seemed to nod almost deliriously as she got out her phone.

She was amazed when after barely one ring it was picked up.

"Hello? Jess?" Came the urgent voice of Luke, and here she thought there couldn't be possibly any more shock that night.

"Luke it's me, Lorelai-"

"Oh God, have you seen Jess? The school rang and then he disappeared before I could get there and I looked all over-"

"Luke calm down!" The flustered woman insisted. "Jess is here with me, were on the bridge, I found him on my way home." The older Gilmore listened to the relieved sigh before continuing. "But Luke, I think you better get over here quickly, he's not looking good." She finished and stared in panic at the figure that was now rocking slightly.

It was the rare serious tone from the usually casual and crazy person that sped Luke on his way as fast as he could run.

Within minutes he had reached the bridge. As he ran towards the two figures he saw that Lorelai really hadn't been kidding.

Jess was bent double, soaking and pale as death, he looked like he would downright faint at any minute. Lorelai looked up, relief washing over her as she saw him, still trying to cover the both of them with her umbrella.

"Oh my God, Jess!" Luke yelped as he dropped to his knees beside the shuddering figure. "What the hell happened?" He questioned the world around him, Lorelai shrugged helplessly.

Without a second thought, Luke shrugged off his heavy coat whilst trying to also shield Jess with an umbrella.

The warm, dry material falling on him seemed to draw Jess out of himself, and he tried sitting up slightly as he turned to look at his guardian.

"L-Luke?" He stuttered slightly desperately through chattering teeth. Vague, glassy eyes met Luke's for a moment before falling away and closing tiredly. The two friends shared a panicked glance as Jess shivered violently again and made a small noise of discomfort.

"Okay Jess, we're gonna get you warm again okay kid?" Jess gave the smallest of nods and bit his lip slightly at another shiver. "Do you think you can walk?" Luke prompted with all the gentleness he could muster.

With another tired nod Jess begun shifting clumsily. Realising he probably wasn't going to make it; Luke grabbed him under the arms and hauled him upright.

Lorelai breathed a sigh of relief as the kid allowed the contact, maybe she had overreacted. Jess could just still be getting used to her presence.

Her worry increased again however, when she saw that Luke was having to almost completely support the failing Jess as he shook.

Luke's panicked eyes locked on her, and she swiftly realised that she wouldn't be going home for a while. She couldn't leave Luke alone with this, not when he was only just beginning this parenting lark.

"Lets get him back okay, then we'll do the next step." She instructed calmly. Luke nodded shakily and hoisted Jess into his arms.

The small body looked dwarfed by the large coat, and uncharacteristically gave no rejection to the type of contact.

Lorelai swiftly retrieved her nearly melted bag and held both the umbrellas as they headed off as quickly as they could.

Upon arriving at the diner, Jess was giving little sign of awareness anymore. His pulse seemed strong if a little slow, but he was freezing to the touch.

"Get him out of those clothes." Lorelai announced as they entered the apartment, shoving the umbrellas and bag into a corner.

Luke looked sceptical at the prospect of undressing the aggressive teenager.

"Look if you don't do it then I will, which do you think it better for his sanity?" This seemed to clear the issue up nicely as Luke grimaced. Without further hesitation she went in search of any blankets the house could muster.

Luke sighed and starred at the prone figure that was in his arms. Quickly deciding that getting the floor or couch wet was a bad idea, he carried the burden into the bathroom where the floor was tiled.

"Wake up Jess and this'll be a hell of a lot easier." He pleaded, shaking the soaked and unresponsive figure.

Jess' eyelids fluttered open slightly, his eyes coming to rest on Luke's.

"Uh, listen Jess I know you're probably going to kill me for even daring to say this, but I've got to get you out of these clothes."

There was a barely audible 'huh' as Jess' eyes widened slightly in surprise.

Luke growled and grabbed the hoodie that Jess was wearing, tugging it as quickly as he could over the kid's head and pulling his arms out of the sleeves.

Jess shivered and tried to wrap his arms around himself as a shield.

"I'm sorry kid but this has to happen, you could at least help." Luke admonished, and begun undoing the shirt buttons.

It was at this stage that Jess begun to get more worked up, and started making small noises of protest as he fought his uncle's arms.

"_What_ is _wrong_?" Luke half yelled, here he was again, trying to look after the kid and there he was fighting him again.

"Stop it!" Jess pleaded, sounding like a scared child.

"Jess I swear I'm doing this for your own good!" Luke exclaimed in frustration at the situation, and reached out his hands once again to undo the buttons.

"Don't _touch_ me!" Luke recoiled at the terrified scream from Jess as Lorelai thundered into the bathroom.

"Oh God," Luke yelped as he crawled closer to Jess, who had curled completely into a ball and was shaking with both regained feeling and barely suppressed sobs.

"Jess I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Luke pleaded, his hands hovering over the thin body, but resisting the urge to hold him.

Instead he grabbed a towel from Lorelai, who was covering her mouth with her hands, looking as torn as he felt.

This child was his responsibility, and right now his usually un-paternal mind was screaming at him to hold onto this burden and never let him go. He blamed Lorelai.

Gently, and with all the softness he could muster, Luke moved around to Jess' head and reached out with the towel.

Jess flinched and chocked slightly as Luke slowly begun drying his hair, but slowly relaxed slightly into the action, seemingly calming down slightly.

Luke looked over at Lorelai, who still seemed to be struggling to keep her distance.

"Can you get some dry clothes?" She nodded and left swiftly.

Luke gently moved the towel over Jess' face, where his hands clung to it tightly for comfort.

Gradually Luke unclenched the small hands and dried them off too, before moving to the neck and slowly undoing the remaining shirt buttons.

Jess shook slightly as Luke pulled the shirt off him, but seemed to relax again as the towel was wrapped around him.

Luke rubbed the thin shoulders through the material, allowing Jess to come back to him in his own time.

Discreetly Lorelai deposited some dry clothes around the door and retreated to he couch.

Once Jess seemed a little calmer, Luke braved communication once more.

"Do you think you can put those dry clothes on? I'll wait right outside okay?" Jess gifted him with a small glance and a fractured nod. Luke sighed with relief and patted his shoulder again before leaving the room and shutting the door.

He joined Lorelai on the couch, where they sat in silence, aware that any conversation worth having could be overheard by the source of the conversing.

After five minutes or so, Jess emerged shakily from the room, and edged over to the bed without looking at them.

Lorelai motioned that she'd wait in the diner and swiftly left. Luke headed over to his charge that was curled up in the bed.

"I need the music on." Came the incredibly small voice hidden under the blanket.

"Sure thing Jess." Luke agreed for once, and turned the hated music on. He then proceeded to pile blanket upon blanket on top of the original one, and squeezed the very blanketed shoulder before turning off the light off and heading to join Lorelai.

Jess breathed a shaky breath and tried to relax, unfortunately, tonight, he didn't think even the music could keep the memories out.

: My first Gilmore Girls fic! I hope you enjoy! Please let me know ya thoughts.

: Thanks for reading, shadowtheo.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own imagination.

AN: firstly thank you so much to everyone who left me one of those amazing reviews! I honestly never thought that I'd get that good a reception so soon, and it really made my day, and speeded my writing! So thank you all very much! It means a lot!

Secondly, I'm sorry this wasn't up sooner, I meant to get it up by the weekend but I got some bad news on Friday and had to be away, so next time will hopefully be faster hehe.

Save Your Soul: 2 Greyscale Vision.

Luke sighed with a variety of unpleasant emotions as he entered the diner. Lorelai hovered looking vaguely frantic near her favourite table.

"Oh God Luke-"She begun upon seeing him.

"I know, but its okay now, he's home, he's dry…he's safe." Luke rubbed a tired hand over his face at the evening's stress, however, when he lowered said appendage, it was to see a barely contained fury in the eyes of the eccentric Gilmore.

"'It's okay?' 'He's safe?'" She thundered at him, and he subconsciously took a step back.

"Luke that kid is _anything_ but 'okay'! Didn't you _hear_ him? He _screamed_ at you not to _touch_ him! Practically _begged_ me not to! Luke do you know what that _sounds _like?!"

"I know I know!" Luke interrupted, desperate to stop the flow of this conversation. "But how could anything like that have even _happened_?" He insisted, desperately.

"Well, did you ever think there was a _reason_ that Jess wasn't doing so well in New York?"

"Hey that's my sister Lorelai, and I refuse to hear unjustified-"

"Unjustified? Unjustified!" Luke was suddenly highly aware that he'd said the wrong thing, as Lorelai paused to take a much-needed breath.

"Luke! He was_ terrified_ of us! It sounded like-"

"_Don't say it_!" Luke yelled, grabbing the baseball cap and his hair in rejected horror and desperation.

He couldn't, _wouldn't_ believe that anyone could put a child through such torment. Sure, Jess wasn't about to win the 'son of the year' award but that was no reason, there was no reason to do that, ever.

Luke felt torn again between running upstairs and hugging Jess, questioning him about who did it and _why_ he never said anything, and driving down to New York this instant to tear his no-good-sister a new one.

"Lorelai, raising a kid was hard enough, but, trying to deal with this? I mean how-? How am I even meant to _talk_ to him about this? How can I bring it up? What can I _possibly_ say?"

Lorelai relaxed and sighed, Luke dropped his hands. Almost simultaneously they dropped into seats.

"I don't know. Jess is difficult at the best of times, but this, this we've got to be really careful with."

"Huh, you think?" Luke intoned dryly. Lorelai batted him with one of the dripping umbrellas.

"Well, maybe leave it till he's feeling better, then corner him, having locked the windows, doors and all other escape routes and put away all the sharp or heavy instruments he could use to beat you with."

She seemed to realise that Luke didn't appreciate her humour.

"Just be gentle with him Luke. If he's been beaten, or worse," They both became very tense with the small statement. "Then he's going to react badly to violence or aggression of any kind."

They stayed that way for a while, lost in their own thoughts, until Lorelai announced that Rory would be wondering where she had got to.

She left with the agreement that she wouldn't mention the incident, and would instead claim that Taylor had captured her for a rant, which had nearly been true anyway.

Luke returned to the apartment and the blaring music. Jess appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but even so, the diner owner pulled a chair as near his bed, and the music, as he could stand. He would just, keep an eye on him, just in case.

The next morning, Jess didn't wake up. After ensuring that he was just sleeping soundly Luke went to work in the diner. As it was a weekend the trade was fairly busy, but at about two he managed to get a brief lunch break and went to check on his prone nephew.

Just as he reached the door, a small crashing sound penetrated the booming tones of the music. Luke felt his gut tighten in worry and ran into the small apartment.

Only, Jess wasn't there, he frantically swung around until he noticed the multitude of duvets only half covering the bed.

"Jess!" Luke yelled in panic as he made his way over to the bundle on the floor.

Jess shakily threw off a couple of blankets and dropped his head heavily into a trembling hand.

Surrounded by all the huge duvets he looked shockingly small. Luke hurried over and knelt by the shattered teen.

"Hey kid you ok?" Instinctively Luke reached out and laid a hand on the small shoulder. His heart twinged painfully when Jess flinched, but he didn't pull away.

On closer inspection there were deep shadows under the kid's eyes, which were half open and foggy looking. He still felt a bit cold too.

Luke swiftly grabbed a duvet and wrapped it around Jess, before slowly helping him up and sitting him back on the bed.

He guessed he was starting to push his luck though as Jess tensed slightly and shifted, so he refrained from wrapping an arm around the kid's shoulders.

"What the hell happened?" He questioned a bit more seriously, determined to get a solid word from his nephew's mouth today.

"I was just dreaming, and then I woke up, but I rolled onto the floor." He slurred quietly. This was basically the truth on Jess' part. Except he'd been having a nightmare, and hadn't 'rolled' so much as scrambled out of bed.

Luke guessed he was only receiving a half-truth at best. However, Jess was running a hand heavily over his face and almost seemed to be falling asleep where he sat.

"Go on, get some rest, I'll check on you later." Luke didn't think that that was likely a particularly comforting thought to Jess, but he had already slumped back to the bed and pulled the cover over his face.

Luke busied himself piling the rest of the covers back on Jess and then headed back down for a swift lunch before the service got worse again.

The slow weekend slurred to a halt. This did not please Luke; Lorelai could plainly see this fact as she went to corner him at the counter.

She had barely opened her mouth before Luke begun to voice his stress.

"Not one word, not _one_, apart from one sentence on Saturday, he was asleep or pretending to be for most of the weekend and the rest of the time he read the same page of the same book!"

Luke panted slightly and ran a hand over his face.

"I don't know Lorelai, but I really don't like this." He near whispered. Lorelai opened her mouth to reply, when the curtain separating the stairs was suddenly pushed aside.

Jess looked terrible. He was pale with shadows lurking under his foggy eyes that were staring slightly in an unnerving way. He almost slunk out from the curtain, his eyes shifting slightly with the noise onslaught.

"Jess, how're you doing?" Lorelai questioned cheerfully. If Jess responded, she missed it. He just stood there, staring at nothing.

"Jess?" Luke prompted anxiously. Lorelai didn't think his nerves would take much more.

Jess sort of started, glanced over and gave them the least convincing strained smile she'd ever seen.

The kid looked ready to bolt, and seemed to start shaking slightly on the spot.

Luke swiftly left the counter and went to stand in front of Jess, putting his hands on the kid's shoulders. And although to Lorelai the gesture was evidently one meant to show comfort, concern and protectiveness, Jess flinched like he'd been electrocuted.

He slipped past Luke with a barely contained dash, muttering about school, and exited the diner. Luke buried his face in his hands as Lorelai cautiously edged forwards.

"What am I doing wrong Lorelai? I'm only making it worse!"

"No, no Luke you listen to me, its whatever's in his head that's making him worse, _not_ you. Just give it time, he'll get used to you being around gradually."

"Oh gee thanks, how comforting, 'gradually' is it?" Lorelai sighed and waved off the slightly irate man, she'd check back on him tomorrow.

Jess slumped at the very back of the classroom, not even giving the pretence of alertness.

So far both teachers and students had systematically avoided him. The only person who had seemed to be paying him any attention was Dean, no doubt trying to find a new angle of 'mentally unstable' to throw at him.

The sun filtered weakly through the thick glass and into his eyes. The brightness enticed him to shut them, and lure him to sleep. Jess found that he couldn't resist the temptation, and laid his head on his arms.

Luckily their teacher was one of the least observant people he'd ever met, and merrily droned on about some war in peaceful oblivion.

Jess' oblivion however, was not so peaceful.

_The thudding sound became louder as Jess curled deeper into the coats and other assorted objects. This couldn't be happening, not again, not now._

_The nature of the thud changed to a sharper, tearing noise. The door was splintering in the dim light._

_He let out an involuntary noise as the shouting begun again, words he refused to hear infiltrated into his fractured mind. The pounding on the door seemed to match the one in his head._

_He couldn't think, cracks of light were appearing in the door and he shied away from it. He couldn't even hear himself whispering over the pounding in his head. Phrases of sanctuary that he didn't seem to be able to pronounce properly whipped through his shattered mind as he became vaguely aware of laughter._

_The light was blocked as the hand snatched at his shoulder._

"Sto-" Jess felt a hand clamp over his mouth, in horror he tried to jerk away only to find a hand was clenched tightly around his right arm.

Throwing a panicked glance over to his right, Jess saw Dean looking just as scared as he felt, leaning over with his hand wrapped around Jess' arm at an awkward angle.

Gradually the stuttered colours faded away and were replaced by the classroom, seeming almost painfully normal and unaware.

In fact, only Dean seemed to have reacted to anything the entire class.

"You ok man? You were, having a nightmare or something?" Dean said slowly, sounding shaken. Jess frowned at him slightly; still having his mouth covered, and glanced at the slightly painful grip on his arm.

"Yeah, I went to wake you and you kinda flailed at me…" Dean explained in confusion.

Slowly Dean released his various grips on Jess and sat back slightly, still staring at him cautiously, and with an abnormal hint of concern.

'Probably thinking I'm gonna pull a knife out or something.' Jess reasoned to himself, and shifted awkwardly, wincing slightly because of the awkward angle his arm had been held at.

Jess pointedly ignored Dean's curios glances for the rest of the day, feeling vaguely sick at the attention, as well as the lack of attention from anyone else.

Back at the diner he helped Luke out till closing, and the place was busy enough to prevent them from having a conversation. And also helped disguise the fact that Jess didn't eat a single thing.

In fact he hadn't eaten all day, and didn't eat the next, or the next. At least not enough to mention.

He almost hoped that Luke would notice, but Luke seemed busy being concerned about his mental state, and didn't notice his physical one.

He would catch Luke's nervous glances, the calculating stares, see him wanting to talk or ask a question, but think better of it.

Partly he was glad, partly it made him sick, and scared. He couldn't even precisely place the fear, just that if something, _anything,_ happened; he didn't think that Luke would notice.

After all, he didn't notice the nightmares. Although that was partly thanks to the music, and that his uncle was a very heavy sleeper.

Still there was just that childish, he told himself, desire that Luke would notice, and help, even though he barely let himself think it.

He lay with his eyes closed, twitching as he tried to block out the unwanted sleep, and flashes of distorted memory, but he was just too tired.

_Shadows flickered distortedly as his head smashed into the kitchen sideboard, a mere echo of the sickening crack it had made back then. The dark room swam out of focus again as he was hauled to his feet. Just as he felt himself become upright, he was on the floor again, crumpled in a way he shouldn't be. He could barely move. Small twitching convulses of movement as one arm tried to prop himself up._

_The figure loomed over and stared at him with undistinguishable features his heart pounded painfully fast as if trying to escape. Slowly the hands drifted down to his t-shirt, almost gently gripped the material, he couldn't even breathe, couldn't see, cold fingertips brushed his stomach-_

"_NO_!" Jess screamed, bolting upright and performing a sort of flailed flinch, throwing off the blankets before staring blindly around.

His hands begun to clench in his hair as the small apartment shuddered into view, as well as a petrified looking Luke, dashing towards him.

Jess bit his lip tightly as his breathing turned panicked, turning his head to stare blindly around the apartment. It had been just a nightmare, but he could still feel the cold touch of those fingers. He shuddered violently and curled up, making a strange, involuntary whining noise before retching.

"Jess? Jess talk to me!" Luke pleaded frantically. Jess trembled, but jerkily managed to lift his head slightly to look into his uncle's tormented eyes.

He blinked in shock as he felt a tear tripping down his face, he hadn't even noticed he was crying, only now could he feel his own shuddering breath.

Luke's face said everything he couldn't, but Jess could barely focus on it, he could still feel that touch, his skin crawled. And, with all pretences aside, let out a scream-like sob sound that he wasn't aware he could make.

"Oh crap, come on, we're going to the hospital!" Jess didn't see how a hospital would help, but he was barely managing to focus as the memory continued in unbidden flashes in his fractured mind.

He was vaguely aware of flinching as a coat was thrown on him, and being lifted to stand.

He shook as he tried to stay standing; his legs trembled threateningly underneath him, his vision flashed from the carpet to shadowed scenes of terror.

Luke was talking to him; he could only just grasp the question.

"Jess, please just talk to me!" He begged, as hands grasped the shockingly thin shoulders.

"C-can't" Jess stuttered out, trying hard to connect his mind to that unnaturally high voice that surely wasn't his.

It was another shock when he realised that he was moving, with Luke half carrying him out of the apartment. His feet fell unnaturally, and the pace seemed too fast for him to keep going. His hands were still clutching his hair.

"Don't worry Jess I'm getting you help, you're gonna be okay." Luke ranted, trying to get himself to believe it.

Jess could feel his tension, and could see the corridor spinning, black spots becoming larger and smaller as a horrible detached feeling came over him.

Luke was going faster, dragging Jess' failing body along with him, the world seemed to tilt as they reached the stairs.

"Luke st-op" Jess chocked weakly, he was going to throw up if he talked any louder.

"Don't panic Jess you're gonna be fine!" Luke almost yelled with panic, looking dead ahead instead of at Jess' chalk white face.

"Please," Jess choked out. He tripped down the first step with Luke, and would've dropped but for the tight grip on his arm, and around his waist.

_Cold fingertips brushed with a ghosting touch over his waist._

"Please Luke stop…" Jess slurred out, barely above a whisper, the stairs felt close to boiling, his legs collapsed, unable to support him. The world jarred into greyscale and tilted, or was it him? The grey ceiling filled his vision before it shifted into grey memories.

Then the stairs were rushing up to meet him and Luke was screaming, several thuds jolted through him, the pain flaring incoherently, he didn't know what was up, there was more screaming as finally the world shuddered to a halt.

Jess opened blurry, unfocused eyes and shifted weakly. His arms lifted his head and chest briefly before the floor hit him again.

He became aware of how badly he was shaking. Gentle hands grabbed him firmly and lifted him, incomprehensible words from a high and low pitched voice. Jess' stomach lurched as he was moved and he coughed violently, but ended up being sick.

Blood seemed to stain the grey floor, as more cries of panicked horror were unleashed.

Arms encompassed him, turning him to face the ceiling.

Jess head rolled onto a shoulder to see Lorelai's scared and worried face staring down at him.

His eyes rolled weakly as the temperature rose further and he begun panting, the world seemed loose and foggy around him.

"I-I don't" Jess barely recognised the weak, slurred voices, and suddenly he felt scared, and hurt, and weak and lost. He felt his throat close and his eyes tingle with the onset of tears. "I d-don't fe-el too good…"

His eyes were closing, and Lorelai's calm and controlled voice barely filtered through his painful breathing as the world darkened.

"Its okay, we're gonna look after you Jess."

: Please review! That was very long and I hope you liked it, I don't know how well Jess' 'fractured' pov came across. Your reviews really make my day :)

: Thanks for reading, shadowtheo.


	3. Chapter 3

::Disclaimer, I own nothing but my own imagination.

::I'm so sorry for the wait for this one, life got in my way yet again hehe, so this ones extra long for you! WARNING!! Not pleasant at all stuff ahead, child abuse, a bit of swearing and generally not for kids ok? On a lighter note, this was particularly hard to write, as whenever I got to a heavy bit my shuffle threw me a particularly inappropriate song, such as 'bobbing along' from bednobs and broomsticks, so you have been warned! On with the show!

Save Your Soul 3: Danger.

Luke sat staring at the figure that lay dwarfed in the hospital bed. The figure was pale and clammy save for an unhealthy blush, shivering every now and then and breathing harshly.

There was just no way that this fragile person could be Jess, Luke couldn't accept that the dysfunctional teen could go from normal to hospitalized in the space of one week.

The doctors words rang through his head, 'smoking damaged his lungs,' 'slight pneumonia made the damage worse,' 'hasn't been eating, why didn't you check?' 'All of these, the stress on his body and the fall caused the bleeding.'

Luke had barely taken it in. But now Jess lay before him, bruised and bandaged with an IV line almost cruelly keeping him restrained to the sterile white sheets.

He just kept playing it back in his head, only now hearing Jess' soft pleas for him to stop moving, before feeling the teen become dead weight in his arms, slipping away from him.

In his own panic, Luke knew he had just made the situation worse, and he hadn't been prepared for Jess to fall any further that night. He hadn't even managed to brush the child as he reached for him.

But he had swung wildly for Jess and missed, and could only yell as he saw Jess' body fall down the stairs bouncing like a rag doll, and then rolling to a stop at Lorelai's feet in the diner below.

Horror had coupled the blind panic then, Jess, _his_ Jess _his_ charge, _his_ responsibility, lying crumpled on the cold harsh floor, too still, far too still to be ok. Lorelai was screaming, _he_ was screaming, then they were screaming at each other, heart in his throat he had started down the stairs, staring at Jess.

Against all odds, he saw that Jess was shaking, and then trying weakly to lift himself up. But it was all wrong, and he looked like he'd been broken, falling back to the floor with a thud.

Lorelai had reached him first, another thing he'd never forgive himself for, but then there had been the blood, and he had never been more grateful for the elder Gilmore's presence as she instructed him too call for an ambulance whilst checking Jess over.

The fall had bruised Jess. The doctor had insisted that he was extremely lucky to escape with only that, but Luke could see the dark red bruise that marred Jess' shoulder, and if what he and Lorelai suspected was true, then this would definitely not be a good event, and couldn't help but think that he himself had inflicted the scar.

Jess shifted and moaned slightly, the doctor had said that he would be sore for a few days and shouldn't push himself.

Luke sighed, everything seemed to go wrong at once in this town. He glanced at Jess' pale and peaceful face, and tried to imagine coming out the good side of this.

He kept trying for the rest of the night.

_::S.O.S::_

Jess was released from the hospital the next day, and was sheparded home by Luke, who seemed to be feeling the burn from his fall.

Jess didn't entirely blame him, but that small and ever present childish part of him had been slightly scared by Luke's lack of parental knowledge.

He felt pretty bad, his whole body ached and his head seemed to spin at violent movements, the doctor had explained that he would be feeling weak for a couple of days, and that he really needed to eat. Luke seemed to be of the opinion that he might break at anything too loud or fast, and as such had been taken off work at the diner for a couple of days.

Jess stared mutinously at the wall opposite his bed that night, refusing to give in to the sleep that he desperately needed. He hadn't thought of _that_ incident for years. It wasn't one he enjoyed reliving.

A violent shudder coursed through him, and instinctively a hand went to grip his hair.

The music played out at a slightly quieter volume then usual, Luke seemed to want to be able to hear any nightmares that may befall him.

Glazed brown eyes fell to the clock, two in the morning, and he had to go back to school the next day.

At least Luke hadn't told the doctors about his nightmare, or other mental deficits of late. All he needed now was to be put on some counselling system that just brought all the pain into the bright scrutinizing light where he could remember them more easily.

He cringed as the unbidden memories flittered into his brain, _cold fingers-_. '_Stop_ it,' He thought angrily to himself, tightening his grip on his hair.

However, the more he tried to not remember, the more he did.

'Stop it stop it stop it,' the mantra repeated desperately for he didn't know how long, fighting the film of memories that never seemed to end.

By the time Luke was gently shaking him awake on his uninjured shoulder, he hadn't even realised that he'd fallen asleep.

_::S.O.S::_

Jess' head spun as he once again found himself doing laps, he couldn't understand why their teacher had insisted on making them do this again. He'd been instructed to take it easy and stop when he felt tired, as the teachers had been informed of his hospital trip, but thankfully hadn't told any of the students that he had fallen down the stairs, he was too tired to be asked curious questions as to _why_ he fell.

He was well aware that he should stop what with the unpleasant faint feeling that was washing over him, but the running seemed to be about the only thing that was stopping the memories from overtaking him.

He guessed it was some sort of primal instinct to run, but he was getting to tired to think such complex thoughts, instead he was being mesmerised by the thudding feeling of each foot hitting the floor, and concentrating on breathing.

Part of him knew that he was still running in order to make himself feel worse, in a combination of self pity, loathing, and so that maybe Luke might pick up on it and do something.

But of course, Luke already knew he wasn't well, and he had no idea what he wanted him to do about it.

Jess stumbled a bit as black dots once again invaded his vision, he doubled over as his head pounded at him angrily and he panted for breath.

A couple of students passed him with curious looks that he couldn't really care less about, if only he could see straight.

"Hey, come on, let's go sit down." Jess jumped at the hand he felt on his shoulder and stumbled away slightly. Unfortunately, his body seemed to have decided that he had given it enough abuse for one day, and small lights flickered as he swayed, the fence he was looking at tilting sickeningly.

Arms grabbed him and led him safely off the track to a crash mat that lay against said fence, sitting him down and handing him a water bottle.

After a couple of minutes the faint feeling subsided slightly, and Jess looked up to see an unfamiliar face. It was a few seconds before he remembered the new in-training gym teacher they had.

"You feeling ok there?" The man questioned.

"Hm, yeah." Jess answered shortly, and made a move to stand up, only to be forced back down firmly.

"You're in no position to move right now, just take it easy for a bit." Jess managed a half-hearted scowl at the considerate tone and had a drink from the water bottle.

"You're Jess Mariano right? I hear you just got released from hospital a couple of days ago.

Jess' headache increased at the question.

"I wasn't in there for long." His voice came out quiet and tired, not at all the forceful tone he had been aiming for. As if speaking had taken his remaining strength Jess slouched slightly, bringing a shaky hand up to rub his aching head.

"Just relax Jess, you'll feel better soon." The coach insisted kindly, and tapped his shoulder reassuringly before going to talk to their other teacher.

Jess sincerely doubted that he _would_ ever feel better at the moment, his whole body ached and trembled, he thought he could taste blood in his mouth as he continued to breath labouredly. His head continued to pound in worsening amounts, and eventually he allowed his head to fall into his hands, giving in to its now searing pain.

Heat seemed to trickle through him, and he regretted disobeying the doctor's orders of taking it easy.

'_Worthless brat.' _The words came unbidden to his head, and he shook it as if trying to shake the words out. He didn't want to remember, not now, he couldn't run anymore though, he was too tired to escape. Too tired to fight the words.

'_Waste of space, you're only good for one thing, and you know it.'_

"Shut up." Jess moaned, trying to force the images away of shadowy faces looming over him.

"Hey Jess, you doing ok?" Jess jumped and stared up at thee looming figure of a concerned Dean. He groaned half in annoyance and half in pain as the movement aggravated his head.

"Hey coach!" Dean called, and Jess was suddenly aware of the worry in the other boy's voice.

Just what the hell was going on at the moment? The whole town evidently went crazy at once.

"Look I'm fi-" Jess started as he tried to stand up to prove his point, only to find he couldn't quite get his legs to cooperate with him, instead a wave of fatigue hit him at the mere thought of movement. He therefore resigned himself to his fate and re-rested his head on his hands.

How was he going to get home if he couldn't even stand up properly? Frustration hit him, which only increased when he felt an uncomfortable prickling in his eyes. Dammit he hated being this weak. _'Worthless,'_ he gripped his hair at the unbidden word.

"I'll take him to the nurse's office." Volunteered the new coach out of the corner of his hearing.

It was at that moment however, that Jess had decided he'd had enough attention for one day. And he did _not_ want to go to the nurse's office and be gawked at. The whole class was probably watching already, and Dean seemed to have lost his marbles, and he didn't even know the new teacher's name, and he _hated_ too many new things at once. He'd never coped with change too well.

His breathing quickened as he heard footsteps approaching him, he wanted them to _stop_. _'You know you deserve this' _he didn't deserve any of this _'You just get in everybody's way'_ no he didn't _'there's no one who really cares about you, you're just a nuisance'_ Luke cares _'You don't really believe that, or you'd tell him'_ maybe I will _'but you know that you deserve to be punished really, don't lie to yourself.'_

"I'm _not lying!_" Jess screamed out, breaking his internal battle, silence greeted him, and he looked up to see several concerned faces looking at him.

But the seemed alien, and dangerous, and it felt wrong to have them so close, Jess wrapped his arms around himself and looked up at the distorted shadowed faces in horror.

The one closest him reached out, and Jess felt frozen to the spot, shaking in fear.

Jess followed the movement of the hand until it connected with his shoulder, the gripping touch sent a flare of pain ripping along his whole chest, stabbing at his lungs.

With a yelp he flinched from the touch and threw the hand off before tripping to his feet and sprinting away as fast as he could, blessed with adrenalin.

The sprint didn't last long however, and soon Jess crashed, falling down in between some trees and an old school building. At the sound of footsteps he swung around to see the new coach looming over him.

Before he could even struggle to get away, he'd been grabbed by both arms and hauled upright, he winced at the tight grip.

"Now that really wasn't very smart was it Jess." Jess froze at the sinister voice, and looked up to see malevolent eyes glaring down at him. His blood ran cold.

"Now I've got you just where I want you." Jess' tunnel vision seemed to narrow until all he could see were those eyes, eyes like the others had had, he tried to move, but couldn't seem to get the message threw, his body seemed to have shut down.

He forgot to breathe as he was lifted, his mind shutting off as memories flooded him, desperately he thought of Luke, that he could help him. But Luke wasn't here.

Time escaped him, he was lost in memories until he was thrown onto the floor, a dark hotel room greeted him, one that looked like it had seen better days.

A cold hand gripped his cheek and he jumped, but couldn't escape the hold. His captor sneered down at him.

Jess was suddenly very aware of his heat racing, and his panicked breathing, and yet felt slightly detached from the scene, as if it couldn't really be happening.

"We'll have to be out of this shit hole soon, but first, what say you that we have some fun first." Jess' pupils constricted as the man loomed nearer too him, blood rushed to his head and pounded so much it felt like it would explode, a cold hand brushed across his stomach, and finally he started to struggle.

_::S.O.S::_

Lorelai strolled merrily into the diner, planning on grapping a quick coffee now that her long day at work had finished.

The sight that greeted her upon entering said diner however, was anything but relaxing. A cracked coffee pot lay on the floor, spilling its precious live giving liquid over the tiles.

The building was also empty and silent as the grave, she was just heading to go upstairs and find someone to a, explain and b, make her some coffee, when Luke burst through the door she'd just come through.

"You really should lock up you know, anyone could get in." She commented lightly, Luke however, appeared to become anxious.

"Well I had to leave it unlocked in case Jess turned up, you haven't seen him have you?" Luke's urgent tone shook her, and she once again found herself worried for the troubled teen.

"No I haven't, what's going on?" Luke took off his hat and rubbed his head in frustration.

"I have no idea. The school called again and said that he had been ill in his P.E. lesson and then ran out and nobody could find him, and he never turned up here and its getting late and I can't find him either!" Luke ranted desperately.

Lorelai blinked in shock, it was dark outside now, school would have finished a good four hours ago. How could this happen twice in as many weeks?

"Don't worry Luke we'll find him." Lorelai insisted, seeing Luke's desperate panic. "He may be small but so is Stars Hollow, he has to be somewhere."

Luke nodded speedily and turned around to leave again, Lorelai swiftly followed him, only pausing to close the door, but not lock it.

_::S.O.S::_

Jess couldn't distinguish one pain from another anymore, he lay crumpled in a heap on the floor, clinging tightly to the sheet that was cloaking him as he shook.

Gradually thought was returning to his fractured mind, panic, terror and repulsion begun to filter slowly through the darkness and the pain. He could hear the sound of a shower running behind him somewhere.

Gingerly he moved, only to hiss in pain, fresh tears leaking from his burning eyes at the wrongness of how everything felt.

Moving his hand slightly over the coarse carpet, his fingers brushed something soft. He recognised the soft material as his own shirt and clutched it tightly.

The shower carried on behind him, he listed desperately to the sound, and, when it didn't stop, hurriedly pulled the shirt closer and fumbled to put it on.

Tears of pain stung his eyes as his body struggled to function in its broken state.

Once he had succeeded in his task, his hands groped desperately for the rest of his clothing, and as each item was found and donned swiftly his mind focused.

In a miraculously short time Jess managed to clothe himself completely in a panicky rush.

He looked around to see a light peeking underneath a door behind him, and stood on trembling legs as silently as he could, every fibre of his being searing in pain from his movements.

Waiting to assure himself that the shower wasn't going to stop, Jess eventually managed to force himself forwards, and stumbled as quickly and silently as he could to the thankfully easy to unlock door.

Jess tried to appear normal as he walked through the surreally normal looking hotel lobby, the lady at the desk didn't so much as bat an eyelid. Jess sighed in relief at this, all he could think of right now was getting to the diner, getting to Luke.

As soon as he escaped the potential scrutiny of the lobby, he broke into a run, trying to ignore the pain and keep going.

He was aware of not moving in a straight line as his head begun to pound again, waves of shivers breaking over him as he began feeling clammy. He slowed to a walk when he couldn't run any further.

The walk was less taxing physically, but more mentally, as he realised that from wherever he was, he didn't know how to reach the diner.

The sinking thought dragged his mind back to the hotel room, hands running over his skin. He shook his head violently, and the movement nearly sent him falling into a tree.

Grasping onto the harsh bark Jess looked around, he was completely lost.

Terror gripped him and any hope he had faded. Luke flashed through his brain and an unwanted chocking sound slipped out of him. Luke didn't know where he was. Luke might not even know he was missing, that anything was wrong. Luke wouldn't be looking for him, and even if he was he wouldn't find him.

Fresh tears stung his eyes as they slipped out, fear trapped him to the spot at the hopelessness of his situation.

Far away through the trees, he saw something glinting in the moonlight. It was water, the only patch of water that large that he knew of around here was the lake.

Desperation filled him, and he pushed away from the tree, stumbling and tripping as he staggered as fast as he could to the glinting water.

It seemed to take hours and yet minutes to reach the water through the wood, and Jess could feel himself getting more tired with each step.

Eventually he stumbled out of the woods onto the path that wove around the lake, and sunk to his knees, unable to force his battered body further.

But he still wasn't close enough, and he couldn't move any more. Despite his mind's protests, his body crumpled against a tree, his breathing desperate and ragged, trying to force oxygen into his bruised lungs.

Jess didn't know how long he was there, it was cold and he was scared and alone, tears stained his face in a never ending dance as he gave up trying to breathe normally, sobbing quietly with shuddering breaths.

Everything was hurting again. It had happened again. He could barely stand it, his skin crawled every time he remembered the alien touches on his skin, increasing his crying.

Weakly he hugged himself, a feeling of total dejection joined his repulsion and fear, sending him in a downwards spiral.

For what seemed like hours he stayed there, as his temperature cooled and his world darkened, his eyes eventually started to drift shut heavily, and he didn't stop them.

"_Jess_!" The scream penetrated the dark and cold place he had been shut in, and sluggishly he tried to force his eyes open.

"Oh my God." He heard the high-pitched voice exclaim from a way off, footsteps were running towards him.

Finally his eyes cooperated and fluttered open, revealing a dark world save for what seemed to be the light of a phone.

Following its glare, Jess was aware of his jaw falling open as he saw Lorelai Gilmore highlighted by blue.

Seeing safety appear before him, Jess' eyes stung all over again and his throat closed.

"Luke, I've found him by the lake, _hurry_." The words barely registered as she drew closer and Jess struggled to move towards her, but could only manage to dislodge himself from the tree, and soon felt himself hit the floor from the loss of support.

"Jess!" Lorelai called again, and suddenly familiar hands were on him, lifting him up with surprising ease. Jess' head flopped down onto a warm shoulder and he shifted towards the warmth desperately, one of his hands weakly grasping onto her jacket and he choked out another sob.

"Its ok honey, its ok, your safe." The woman sounded close to tears herself as she wrapped secure arms around him, one of her hands begun running through his hair seemingly of its own accord. Jess realized that this must be how she held Rory.

"Where's Luke?" Jess slurred out, his voice was near to a whisper and weak, it hurt to talk, and it hurt to hear it.

"He's on his way." She insisted, and he believed her, but wished he'd hurry up. A violent shiver ran through him, he wanted to go home, badly.

Time escaped him once again until familiar footfalls could be heard, Jess twitched at the sound and Lorelai shouted out their location.

"Jess!" The desperate cry shot through Jess and he struggled weakly to turn to it, but before he could manage it, he had already been swept into a different set of arms.

"Oh God, Jess," Luke's voice reached him before his eyes could register the horrified face.

"L-Luke?" He chocked out, unable to filter though any other thoughts into words.

"I'm here, its ok, you're ok." Relief washed over him, and more tears tripped down his face, he made some indistinguishable noise before turning his face into the safety of Luke's chest, arms pulled him close into the warmth and his eyes fell shut again as he relaxed slightly.

He was vaguely aware of being shook slightly, and his name being called as his mind fell away, and he sank into peaceful darkness, for once feeling safe.

::Whew go me! I know that was pretty heavy going there, and it's a bit jumpy and there's probably loads of mistakes, but I've managed another, and don't worry, the troubles are not over yet! This was quite hard to write for me, so please let me know what you thought, I reckon it could have been much better, but there you go!

::Thanks for reading, shadowtheo.


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